& if only this was you and i.i'm beginning to feel kinda helpless, like nothing i do makes a difference. no matter how hard i try, you don't care. you're different to anyone i've ever met, you're unpredictable, with you i will never have a solution. you keep changing, you hold a grudge for no reason, you act like nothing affects you. you're pushing me away. yet you can't understand yourself. you deny it all, yet when asked why, you haven't got an answer. i shouldn't give up, because there's too much for me to try for, but i'll never get that with you, so i think officially, it is time i forget you and move on. but i believed in you, and i still do, you have the capability to be that person in my life.
ok, my day. i got to school at 8.10, hoping to beat lydia to the debate, but after all, she's first and i'm second. daayum. when jay kajale got to school, we full ran up to him, and omg, it was so funny. he had a jay jays bag for PE. THAT'S SO FUNNY. and when we pointed it out, he was like, 'huh, oh yeah, that means i don't have to write my name on the bag, cos it's there 4 times already'
and i was like, 'huh, wtf, 4 times?' and i stared at the bag for a while, pondering, and then i realized the bag was double sided. ahaha.
but yeah, we got to the library and lydia was already sitting there and i was just like, hmph.
so me, priscilla and juhee went back downstairs, and we ran into minh, vivian and christina at donut quad, and so we like chatted for a while, which was pretty gay since we could have just 'chatted' at airh table anyway. so i suggested we walk back down to main quad, and so we did, and pranathi was walking up and yeah, she's having a baby. she's fully pregnant, in two weeks. omg.
oh, i don't really remember what else happened but then we had science first period in the computer room - can i just ask, does anyone else have science in a computer room? - and we were waiting around for mr peck, so yirena challenged me to a challenge (?) to tickle farzana, and so i tried, but she like, fully bashed me up. she punched me, can you believe that, and i hardly touched her. LOLOL. i didn't even make contact with her, actually.
and then mr peck came and ==' and we all groaned and he said, 'yeah i don't like you either, whaddaya gonna do?'
and we logged onto our computers, and farzana dogged me for michelle, who dogged farzana for connie cos their computers weren't working.
we're learning about electricity yeah, so we had to work concert lighting or something.
go to files on hahs student 2, then science, then concert wiring, then click on index. its so gay its funny.
yeah, there was this ass-chin dude, and he was like 'hi im jock blah blah blah, we gotta fix this concert wiring for some band called shimmy.'
and my first thought was, 'wtf do you think i am, a bloody electrician?'
but yeah, i was pretty alright at it. i couldn't align the god damn targets to make the spotlight go straight through or something.
yirena was retarded, she kept going back to how to assemble the spotlight. she must be a professional by now, she could probably do it with her eyes closed.
oh, then we had maths, and i got to maths after everyone else, as usual, but the teacher wasn't there yet, so i took pranathi outside in a hope to see _________ but all these people in between were blocking my way, and then i saw mr yen so we had to go back. daaaaaaaaang.
we were studying equations and inequalities ( is that right, A2? D: ) and i answered the first question (H), x=3, i think it was. well, whatever. in the end, me and pranathi were fully racing, and zomg, maths was fun for the first time. no wonder kelvin, steven, daniel and allen have such a great time. i was willing to stay in class and finish the exercise, but i am not that retarded.
after maths, _________ was walking pretty much 2m away, and pranathi kept turning around, so i kicked her leg and told her to stop, but my foot hooked around and i almost fell over, which would have been pretty embarrassing, since charu already tripped me over behind him before, like, right behind him. that time, he turned around, stared at me for a while, wondering what happened. probably thought we did it on purpose, as if i'd fall down behind you for the fun of it. oh yeah, and then he turned around again like 5 minutes later, staring at the spot where i had fallen down. OMG do you think i still would have been sitting there? that was a good day, when he kept turning around when they called out my name.. sigh. oh yeah, anyway, i almost fell over kicking pranathi, and then i tried pushing her down the stairs, but it didn't work, and suddenly she stopped outside the door, and i stopped, and then she's like, 'oh waiting for _________, are you?' and i was like, 'WTFF? nooo !' and then i like bolted out and he followed slowly afterwards behind us.
imma skip recess, i don't remember a thing.
in dt, me and yirena were up to staining the timber on the pencil case thingo, so we got our plastic gloves and the disgusting stain, which is the ugliest colour you could ever imagine and we started applying it to our work. i got some on my left finger, but its gone now, which means i was pretty good at staining, aye ? ;) but yirena, as i said, she's retarded. she was holding her box with her bare hand, as if her hand was invincible to the still-wet stain stuff. and to make things worse, it went through her glove, mine did too, but mine's gone already as well. now yirena has orange fingertips.
while we were waiting for it to dry, i invented this gay game. i got a mallet and yirena was throwing garnet paper to me, and i'd hit it back. then she got a mallet too, and we were hitting garnet paper to each other. wth. and farzana joined in soon afterwards.
everyone was giving us 'wth' looks.
in ag, we had ms schultz or someone, 8R's english teacher, virginia told me. yeah, she made us do work. i don't like her cos of that, we talked for like 2 minutes and she'd tell us we were talking too much. go away man, its a friday.
then at lunch, we got to go back down today ! YAY. oh and the guys could play footy again, rejoice. it was really cool going down today, everyone came, and we were playing sweet dreams, and we had a jay sean themed lunch cos me, vivo and priscilla luuuuuurve jay sean !
oh and i was trying to make a rap with vivian, but i don't remember any of it. dammit. it was hilarious.
i'll make a new rap, later.
oh and we played lacrosse in PE, and the lacrosse sticks looked like guys-protection-cup things, i don't know what they're really called, but yeah. i got this huge 10cm cut up my leg and mr wilson wouldn't let me get a band-aid for it cos he said it wouldn't even rate a 1 on a scale of 1-10 on the cut scale. wth? there's a cut scale now?
oh and me and charu fully ran when the bell rang, walking just metres behind him, and i had this.. yearning to talk to him. but i couldn't do it, i don't think i'll ever be able to.
we got to the station and pranathi got heaps excited cos fayyaz and gauthaman were waiting on the bridge, she was jumping up and down going 'OMG OMG' and when we walked past, i was just like, hey and he did that head flicky thing and waved and said hey back. we went over and got chips and ice-cream and stuff, and then we went back, and gauthaman had disappeared. freaken hate him, he keeps laughing at me. gauthaman had gone to cabramatta with melanie, "some asian town", fayyaz called it. i felt honoured, fayyaz and gauthaman were the only 2 there, and gauthaman had come for melanie, so fayyaz had probably come for us.
anyway, i was walking away and he told me to 'join his conversation' with him, lamiya and some other girl and i walked halfway up the stairs and then i came back down cos i felt bad.
and we talked for a while and then nathan and christina had taken the food, so i dogged him for food, cos i love food.
and he called me 'nikki', pranathi was amazed.
sahil and umar, aka 'cunt', were fully watching us when they got off the train and i waved at them from far away and sahil was just like 'uuuuuhhhhhhhhhhhm....'
IT WAS FUNNY.
ok, this isn't about who you might think it is. in fact, you'd never expect it.
she's annoying me, she'll stand next to me, then when the time is right, she will jump in front of me. she keeps trying to overtake my role and get involved in everything. she doesn't understand that i, too, am fighting for the same thing that she is. she shouldn't be using my efforts to her advantage, this is my work and my reward, not hers. she has to build her own walls, not try living off mine. she tails me everywhere, i can't release what i feel cos she is right behind me listening to every word. for god's sake, get a life.
argghhhhhhhhhhhhh.
Labels: debate, giving up, heartbreak